im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
