there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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