You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
