i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
