Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
