Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
