Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
