so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
