i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
honey bunches of taint.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
