Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
