he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
