I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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