I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
