He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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