he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
True strength comes from lack of pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
