using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
