I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
