We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
