I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
