In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
