i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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