like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
