if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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