She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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