ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
