I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
