As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am available for nakedness
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
