She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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