Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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