So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
how drunk are you?
Several
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
