I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
