lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
