He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
