For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize