so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
