So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
