We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
