nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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