You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
