He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
