I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
