i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize