apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
