And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.