I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
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that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.