A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's how pantless uber rides happen