I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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