The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?