who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.