Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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