Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
