No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
