Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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