Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
