we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
