Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
