My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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