maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
