Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
