so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
