I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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