i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
