I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
