the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
