I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
