i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
