Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
third nipple confirmed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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