I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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