Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
