Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
