I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
