is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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