I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I love you. Go after that dick
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
