Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
