If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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