I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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