He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You are the jesus of drinking
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
