He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
