so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
