I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
