I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
