I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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