Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
